Have you ever had the sense that something was about to happen, but you couldn't put your finger on exactly what it was? This is a feeling that I have had for over a month now. I've struggled with feeling lethargic and disconnected in my relationship with God and others and almost feel nervous about what could be just around the corner.

 

You see, when I sense that something is on the horizon, my default emotion is fear. Not because I am scared of the unknown, but because I am predisposed to thinking that God is going to let something awful happen to someone I love or myself causing enormous pain and heartache.  I am not a fan of pain…in fact if there was a way to live life without it, I would do what I could to live that way, but you and I both know that's impossible.

 

In fact, God even has given us instruction on how to look at the trials and things in our lives  James 1:2-4  ²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

 

This scripture isn't telling us to look at pain and say to ourselves, "Oh joy! I get to face trials right now! Yippee!", but rather it's telling us to consider the outcome of the trial, knowing that as our faith is tested we will become stronger and grow closer to Jesus, producing mature fruit in our lives and moving us to a place where we lack nothing in regards to our relationship with Jesus.

 

Pain is a normal part of human life and I have learned that my fear of pain and trials comes from an inaccurate view of God. He is not about causing pain, but the truth is He is about allowing pain, trials and challenges to help us become more of the people He wants us to become. He is more concerned about our character rather than our happiness, and unfortunately at the first sign of a trial, many of us point our fingers and curse God rather than looking at our circumstances in light of the people that God desires we become.

 

When I look back at my life and the greatest lessons I've learned and my most intimate times with Jesus, they have one thing in common…they have all happened as a result of some sort of trial. I like the fruit of these times, but I could definitely do without the trial, yet they obviously go hand in hand.

 

So when I start to feel this way, I find myself asking a lot of questions about who I am and about my relationship with Jesus. Lately, the questions that have been on my heart are: When did following Jesus become about pursuing a painless, easy, comfortable life and not about sacrifice? What about considering others above myself? What about serving as a way of life? What about a life that really does love God with all my soul, mind and strength and that loves my neighbor as myself? Am I who God wants' me to be and do I really love Him like I say I do?

 

Since Brit and I got married, we've prayed that God would guide us, lead us, grow us and use us in our generation and in our day. We desire to be people of influence and we want our lives to impact others for the cause of Christ, and we want to be devoted followers of Jesus, but we've realized something in the last weeks as we both have pondered this sense… we have realized that we have become very friendly with the world desiring comfort, safety and pain free living over Jesus and really, over growth in our relationships with the Lord.

 

Now we are in a place where we are reevaluating how we are doing life. We have already begun to make small changes and with the help of God, we are praying that our lives would daily look more and more like Jesus. We want to live out of an authentic overflow from Christ and His word. Trials may be ahead or maybe the feeling I've had is because I ate some rotten chicken, but either way, God is doing something in us and our heart is to find out what it is and to be obedient and faithful with what He wants.